Scar tissue

For the last 5 years I have taught myself to survive with a hole in my heart. It's painful but fully possibly. Watching a person pass away, especially when it's your child, changes you. And not always for the good. But just less than 2 weeks ago my heart began to repair itself. My youngest son was welcomed into our world and mine began to change. I have become more complete. The joy of everyday has found me again. The lack of sleep has become worth it. Even the small sliver of bed he leaves me with feels like more than enough when I look into his eyes. I will forever have a scar where the hole once was. My son will never be forgotten. His strength and will to survive taught me more is his 1 month than the time I've had on Earth. I am blessed I was chosen to be that little boys mom. But right now, this day, this moment given to me, has completed me. How lucky can I get beyond this? Only time will tell and I can't wait to find out now.

I WILL smack your hand!

They say life moves fast. Sure, I believe it. I see it in the faces of my boys everyday. BUT...if you're pregnant you just watched slugs surpass you in the express lane and leave smoke in your face. The painstaking weeks between appts. The only 4 more weeks you repeat to everyone who not only says "wow, you're big" but also tries to touch your protruding belly. I've never been a toucher. Doing or accepting, so I dont get it. I would never walk up to a non-pregnant person and start rubbing so why now at a persons most uncomfortable stage would you (most likely a complete stranger) think this is the time to become personal friends?! But as said yes, only 4 more weeks! SO you'd think it's over soon right? WRONG! This STILL leaves you with the touchers. It all begins with hospital staff. Of course their hands (freezing cold usually) are always welcome in the throws of labor but once that baby becomes his own person can we focus on I'm not the practice dummy in med school! There's always a hand in or on something :/ And God help the "oh I just love babies" touchers everywhere you go once you decide to venture out in the real world. I don't know where your hands have been! For all I know you ARE that person at the red light who is knuckle deep in their nose. (seriously do those people think that their glass isn't see through) Stop it! I do believe in the "everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten" rules it states...KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF! Now please excuse me while I stock up on Purell.